


i still feel everything when you are near

by ilovethisship



Series: Tumblr Prompts - Bellarke [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, First Kiss, Fluffy Angst, I don't even know who I am anymore, but really fluff, compliant through 5x10, i've lost my brand, only rated T for language, this was going to be super angsty but then i got fluffy inspiration, very brief mentions of Madi and Diyoza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 06:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15358383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovethisship/pseuds/ilovethisship
Summary: Bellarke first kiss in season 5 canonverse requested by anonymous onTumblr.





	i still feel everything when you are near

**Author's Note:**

> Bellarke first kiss in season 5 canonverse requested by anonymous on [Tumblr](http://thegriffin-blakefamily.tumblr.com/).

Clarke has no idea how she got here.

Well, that’s not exactly true. She knows how she got here in a literal sense. And maybe she should be back at camp working on plans for the battle, but Madi has Diyoza, of all people, and being by the river reminds her of a simpler time. A time when her daughter was just a child who wanted to dye her hair. A time when she knew she would be able to watch Madi grow up safe and happy.

But now they’re _here_. Her child is leading an army into battle in two days and Clarke is broken. This isn’t how things were supposed to be. Bellamy was supposed to come home and Raven was supposed to come up with a genius way to open the bunker and they were all supposed to be a family again. Madi was supposed to meet someone and fall in love while Clarke finally….

Fuck, she feels so foolish.

Thinking about Bellamy makes her stomach spin and not in the pleasant way it used to. There was never a time when he would have blindly followed her, but he always used to listen. The stakes of them disagreeing were never this high. Or maybe they were and she just can’t remember a time when they weren’t a team. She can’t remember what it was like not to trust him. The fact that she doubted him, even for a second, makes her want to throw up.

Tears well up in her eyes again and she brushes them away angrily. She’s not even sure what she’s angry at anymore. Herself? Bellamy? Everything?

A stick breaks back at the treeline and Clarke jumps up, swinging her gun around to aim at the potential threat.

“Wow, I know you were mad at me, but this might be a little excessive.” Bellamy steps into the moonlight, hands in the air.

Clarke bristles before she realizes it’s a joke. She scoffs and makes a show of holstering her gun before she turns back toward the river. The gravel crunches under his boots as he makes his way to her side, all at once familiar and steady and terrifying. Once again, an apology dies before it reaches her lips. They’ve already discussed this and he’d just dismiss it again, so she’s been avoiding him. She knows he knows it.

“Madi told me I could find you here,” he says, answering her unasked question.

Clarke wraps her arms around her stomach as though she can hold her nerves in check. “What do you want?”

Something bumps her elbow. Bellamy’s holding out a flask. “Aren’t we a little overdue for a drink?”

“Where did you get alcohol?!” Her fear briefly forgotten, she grabs the flask and studies it. The liquid inside sloshes as she turns it around in her hands. “What is it?”

“Diyoza gave it to me. And I don’t know. All she would tell me is that it’s my ‘lucky day’.” He smiles. “So, we should clearly be worried.”

“We can’t just get drunk.”

“I’m not suggesting getting _drunk_. I’m suggesting a drink.”

“I haven’t had a drink in six years, Bellamy. I’m pretty sure my tolerance is shot.”

Bellamy shrugs and sits down. “I’ll carry you home.”

Clarke grins, surprising herself, but it’s hard not to when she feels eighteen again all of a sudden. She sits down next to him, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off him, closer than she intended. She hands him the flask. “You first.”

“Fair enough.” He unscrews the lid and smells it, nose wrinkling as he leans away. “Are you sure?”

“You’re the one who wanted a drink.” She nudges him with her shoulder. “Drink or go home.”

“Well, if those are my only two options….”

He takes a deep breath before he tips the flask back. He winces and coughs into the crook of his elbow while he holds the flask out to her again. Clarke pushes it back at him.

“Yeah, because that was convincing.”

“Come on, Princess. You’re gonna love it.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, but the old nickname makes her heart swell. She knows he was trying to piss her off the first time he called her that, but over time, it became something else. A fond joke to remind her that he would follow her lead.

“Fine,” she says, taking it out of his hand. She takes a sip of her own. It burns going down, but she manages to hold in most of her cough. “You’re right. I do love it.”

Bellamy grins, but it drops quickly and he takes the flask for another sip before passing it back. Clarke watches him while he stares out at the water, taking another drink and setting it back into his hand. His fingers close over hers, holding them there, but he doesn’t look at her.

“Madi told me about the radio.”

Clarke tugs her hand back and he lets go, dropping his head. She doesn’t think Madi would have told him _everything_ , but then again…. “What did she tell you?”

“She told me that you tried to call every day.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” _Lie_. She could always tell when he was lying. He takes a long drink. “I think she wants us to talk.” _Truth._ He finally looks at her again. “I think we should talk.”

Clarke shakes her head and leans back onto her hands. “What else do we have to say?”

“Everything?” He half-scoffs, half-laughs, and sticks the flask back in his pocket. “We never fucking talk, Clarke. Not about what’s important.”

She sticks her chin out. “The end of the world? The impending war? I’d say those are pretty fucking important.”

“Of course, you would. You argue about everything.”

“I do not.”

Bellamy raises his eyebrows and she holds in a small laugh.

“Fine. I argue about some things.”

The silence starts to stretch as he studies her face. Clarke’s heart pounds in her chest, but she manages to hold still somehow. Her skin crackles with the desire to reach out, offer comfort, because that’s just what they do and he’s unsettled about something. It’s that old pull, like somewhere inside of them are magnets. The longer she fights it, the more painful it gets.

His voice is barely above a whisper when he finally speaks. “You remember the last time we were on a beach?”

 _If I don’t see you again…._ It’s one of the many things that haunted her over the years. “Of course.”

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it while I thought you were dead. A lot of time to think about how stupid I was.” He shakes his head, dropping his chin, and his hair falls down to obscure his face. “I’ve done so many stupid things, but not telling you how much I cared about you might be the stupidest one.”

 _Cared_. Clarke doesn’t know what to say. Of course, it’s past tense. It’s been six years. Of course. She looks down at the ground, feeling foolish and twenty-four all over again. There are so many ways things could be different and so many reasons they aren’t; too many gaps their feelings aren’t strong enough to cross. She doesn’t know why he’s here, but she’s afraid that if she asks, she’ll cry.

“Who were you trying to call?”

Her head snaps back up and she forgot how close they were. Or maybe he moved closer. “Why does it matter?”

“Because it does.”

“But Madi already told you.”

Bellamy cautiously sets a hand on her knee. “I need to hear you say it.”

 _Oh._ Oh, she is a fool. Tears start to sting her eyes. If she says it, there’s not going back.

“Clarke—"

“You. I was calling you.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah,” he says before he leans forward and presses his lips to hers.

It takes Clarke’s brain a few seconds to catch up to her body, because _what the fuck is happening_ and when did he put his hand on her cheek? When did she put her hand on the back of his neck? But it does catch up and she scoots closer to him, closing the small amount of space left between them, swinging her other arm around his neck. This is it. There’s no going back. He’s here with his fingers in her hair, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss and _fuck_ she can’t breathe.

“I’m sorry,” he says when she pulls away. “I just—”

“No,” she exhales. She grabs onto his collar to keep him close, because she needs this. She needs him. She kisses him lightly and then presses her forehead into the crook of his neck. “I just need to breathe.”

“Oh.” He kisses her head and runs his fingers through her hair, down her neck, down her back and she soaks all of it in. “Well….” He trails off and sets his head on hers, breath hot against her ear. “That’s what I wanted to say six years ago.”

Clarke ducks out from her position and raises an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think you actually said anything.”

“Well, I guess I didn’t say it right, then.” Bellamy smiles. “Should I try again?”

Clarke grins. “You should probably try a few times.”


End file.
